At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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