Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
