And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
