i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
