he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
