You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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