meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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