I smell stomach acid.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
