I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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