It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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