I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
