We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
