I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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