I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
