why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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