There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
