Screwed.edu
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
