i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
