Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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