Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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