wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
