I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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