it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
