well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
