Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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