I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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