he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
love makes seman taste better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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