Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
