During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
