Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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