So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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