Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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