last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My balls are so social today.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
