sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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