Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
