i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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