my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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