you guys were way drunker than both of me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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