I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Enjoy the penises
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
