I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
