The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
