I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
