I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
