i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
