I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
