I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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