whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
