A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
