By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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