so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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