No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
