My hand turned me down
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
