I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
