his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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