It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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