Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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