Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The Olympian is in my bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
