I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
