Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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