why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
