Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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