the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
