She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
