Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
