Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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