Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
