Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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