I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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