god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
