walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
