Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
