I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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