I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize