I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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