Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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