Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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