I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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