she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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