Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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