I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
