I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
